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April 13 Gerald Todd JonesTo those that don't know I once dated a man who went by the namein the title....(G.T.J). He innitially stayed with me because I was pregnant but before we finally did part he left me with more scares than can be seen with the naked eye, making people wonder about my mental stability s well as my personal conduct.
In the beginning of our relationship he offered to take care of me and the baby, he was kind and wanted to stay out of trouble with the law. He was on probation through the state of Utah whoch eventually helped me through a dangerous situation. He drove a dump truck for a living and ensured us that he was a good caretaker, butonce he made enough oney to afford ado "coke" he led the "monkey on his back" down the darker road of 'Meth" with me at his side. His addiction came with all kinds of "out of mind" actions including cross-dressing, pornography pushing, sexual exploitation, and unkindness.
The nine scares on my left arm, thetwo on my right hand and arm, as well as the one on my neck are from his "Banjo pulling " pricks....the bone sutures are the only scare on my right cheek bone tfrom his left hook are only seen on an ex-ray and the scares that are spoke about in the homeless shelters in Utah are those that were vidio taped. They are only scarring because those who have seen the tapes are not told that the now convicted murderer on my back is coersing the words that are being spoken through sign language. The knowledge of his actions allong with how he treated me coersed me into giving a tip to Todds parole officer. The corrupt vidio was returned without my aproval to a vidio shop in Payson, this was not how I wanted to start an "acting career" PERIOD!
The vidio tapes were supposed to be for his private collection, I wonder who else he has had exploited. I was not able to get out of that sitation untill he a concerened citizen also spoke to his P.O.not to mentionl as his own "diryt urinallisys". Even though I had no case number I tried to get relocated for protection bufrom the writer of "The Waitress" but without prevail I live on. December 10 Not really into it.....I logged on to add a few black and white photos to my site but there has been a 'fatal error' and the page gets redirected to where ever, I really don't know because there is a 'back' button and to I clicked the add a blog and really don't have much to say. Today. Since my first visit to the WVC fitness (as a member) center I have been feeling pressure in my ears and noticed behavioral changes in my daughter. So today I took my family to see the Dr.. Low and behold my daughter is starting to get an infection as well as I, my son was the only own who washed his hands when we got home from the center. And that is not the first time I have felt that way. On other occasions I used the facility restroom to wash before leaving but it also got me thinking that there should be an automatic device on the walls of that play room that dispenses Lysol or other disinfectants to keep the isolated room free of microbial dangers. It is obvious that parents are busy with little ones if they are in that room, in fact one mother only used that room on Monday because of the winter whether outside.....which sparks a feeling that makes me want to get back in the competition circuit I loved walking out of the pool into the cold, I just didn't like walking to the pool from my bed at 5A.M. Don't get me wrong I am not a lazy person I rarely got enough sleep in high school to want to get out of bed and get into the pool and stay awake through the health class that followed and be ready for the meet that afternoon, or the pep club anything. If it was not one sport it was another. Is anyone getting excited for baseball? GUM!!!. December 05 Back to my computer!As I struggle with those who have pushed me down the wrong path or made me feel like Quasimodo I fidnd my-self back at my computer for the comforting hope that the postman will deliver my Apple Patch Diet checks to the proper address AND PLACED INTO MY HANDS without hessitation from any others. This last year and a half has been a living nightmare being forced to listen to a small community of abused women and children, not mentioning those who were admitting to their own guiltty AND backstabbing manouvers without any sence of maturity, ethics, and/or moral standards, it almost feels that the facility has shrank.
Lately I have been hearing one confession after another, my face feels like a dashboard! I am not allright with the roller coaster ride of the emothional setbacks that I have encountered over the past week. One day I can stay and work with the home-owner and the next I am looking for a place that she will pay for, because the dead-beat that goes with my kids dad is gaining more attention than his ex-girl friend and children. AND ALL OF THIS IS SIMILAR TO THE SITUATION THAT GOT MY ATTOURNEYS PAINT JOB POLISHED! If I ain't got a man to this woman I ain't got nothing.....whether they are good to me or not she would prefer me with those that she is able to conspire with and assist in the Quasimodo-fying of my life, I know she raised me. December 02 I like to write...but why?Since I won my first essay contest I have been inspired to write. I have not always been able to focus on more than the dirty details of my life since 2001, and have neglected to mention several of them. Though I have not forgotten how my older child has tried to inform me of the many dirty details that have sabatodges my interaction with her and how she has been controled into thinking that she is not allowed to think for herself at times, I realize I am also a victum of this same type of thinking. All of the 'Notes' that I have left at the clubs and restaurants throughout the SL valley are proof that I was not good enough to have what my writing was worth, nor keep a complete skull. All of the efforts from people big or small, who do believe in us, I have a high respect for. I realize they've gone to great lengths and I appreciate every effort that they put forth....even the broke perfume bottle!
I am not the type who could jump off a bridge at any moment because no-one respond's to their craigs list add before they realize they didn't check the box to allow responces....it's rather sad that people condition themselves into believing that they only need to pay attention to half of the picture when the understudy could be the most important role model. Does all of this really make sence? November 21 Past BlogsI have been thinking of all the notes that I have published by me and by others and still consider those that are close to me who are once again turning to the sanctuary of a privately owned orgaization that could would want to protect them from the actions that they have brought apon them selves over the last decade and a half. The knowledge of this and the actions that they have enabled themselves with are: in my mind, "Not worth protecting!" yet there are so many others that atribute to the factors that protain to me, my self worth and my so called, "financially burdensome" personality type that have encouraged the discrimination of my mental status....wHy? I guess to encourage another thoughless attournies incrimiating questions to only benifit those that are putting a bit of polish into their pait job, otherwise known as accepting bribes, and keep the freedom of those that should have been repremanded but instead released by a person that felt that they would be better off, "Serving the men".
Some of them have been invited into the residences that I have lived on occasion but the hardest thing that I have approaced is the hosesty, integrity, and liberal biases that keep them from being a sound person, a person that doesent insinuate that you need perscription drugs to keep you from being the person that you were happy with, the person that will jump to there feet when they hear their voice, the person that will genuinly care for the actions that you take without alteriour motive, the person that will wake you in the morning telling you to take the nickle out of your mouth and breath, the person that they cannot be because the controlling actions of someone else is telling them to be controlling as well.
After more experience I know that I have been financially taken advantage of, all of the offers that were made that should have paid me for the deception of my impersonated self were "Declined" in time. But the facts remain that lifes treasures are the gifts from whitch your non-adoptive parents gave. Thanks to Pryim and all those that still where the identity bracelets, I was reminded of the past and prefer the knowledge of the past to remain in the past and the children that are growing arround me to grow in more safety than what my past offered, and the "Pryim" bracelet I wear once again my favorite "kiss to life".
Goodnight! |
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